Calcutta

Arriving in calcutta having been staring at snow capped mountains the day previous was a bit of a shock. The heat felt like a hair drier on full blast over every part of your body and the hustle and bustle was back. All received by us with grins on our faces. We love the mountains but we're city folk too. We were harrassed by gaggle of rickshaw and taxi drivers, both sets squabbling like vultures over the first dibs on a lion's leftovers. Under the cover of the arguments we managed to get one quiet driver to take us to sudder st for the right price in his bright yellow ambassador, windows down full, panting commenced. Sudder st is the main hang out for the usual traveller type. We chanced upon a new hotel with slick air con and pristine rooms, booked ourselves in for three nights and took a well needed shower before venturing back. After grooming a half decent beard on this trip i decided it was time to shed the fuzz to get some air to my chops and also leave myself a moustache which i wore for the first time in my life. I was hoping to carry an air of magnum pi but in all honesty i looked more like higgins.

That first day we meandered pretty hopelessly around our area, we walked through the hogg market which had a vibe of leeds market back home. We ate an unnecessarily expensive but decent lunch atop a hotel, decided upon in desperation to avoid the searing heat and humidity below. That night we went down to a popular local kebab place called peter cat and gorged on mutton and chicken kebabs with buttery rice and hot parathas. Avoiding meat in the south was straight forward, here in calcutta, the epicentre for the world famous bengali cuisine, it was not and we gave in to our primeval desires and were rewarded for our abstinence.

The next we got up early, with a plan for the day (essential in the heat) and wandered through the park to the victoria memorial. Lads were playing football on the grass as early as 7am hoping to become the next baichang bhutia (who? Wiki him). The memorial itself is like a cross between st paul's cathedral and the taj mahal, and no less stunning than either. Its set in pristine grounds of lush green lawns and four ponds on each corner of the building. We ambled round taking time to enjoy what felt to us like a good old english green with a slab of brittania plonked in the middle. We headed back to park street from the memorial to get some early lunch and snap up a bit of calcutta wrapped up in the form of the famous kati roll: surely one of the culinary wonders of the world. I had the lamb and niki foolishly opted for paneer and was tugging at my shoulder for a second bite as i gave her some of my roll. Kati rolls are like most indian style kebabs or wraps but the secret of this one's success is that the bread is a paratha soaked in egg and fried on a tawa. Holy shitballs that sho does make some fiiiiiiine eating y'all. Calcutta is seriously good for food, especially street food and at ridiculously cheap prices. I got a take away for a grand total of 26 rupees and i had dal ghost, rice and a paratha. We also ate breakfast sat down at a table on the street for 6 rupees each, as much as you like chana masala and unlimited pooris to mop up the sauce. The following day we checked out the museum which turned out to be unexpectedly hilarious....  basically the taxidermist for the museum needs to be sent to specsavers and his handywork made for some funny snaps (see sample pics below, one of them is actually a tiger but manages to look like a cross between a demented bear and a wombat with crossed eyes). We had to take a trip to visit the air india offices in north calcutta to rearrange our return flight from the andamans so we braved the metro rather than take a sweaty cab. Much to our surprise it was calm and quiet (by indian standards) and was air conditioned a real respite from the heat above. It cost a grand total of 4 rupees per journey and i couldnt help much scratch my head at how ludicrously cheap that really was. The carriages were cool and had designated seating ladies. Thats not out of any chivalrous deciaion by the authorities, its done out of safety to prevent women having their bits fiddled by groping men at busy times!

On our last night we took a taxi and searched for a restaurant recommended by the indian guys we met at lakeview in sikkim (bhojohari manna). We ate bengali seafood and it wad out of this world. The fish was meaty and the masala was coconutty, sweet and perfectly spiced. Niki's prawn dish was more delicate but mouth watering all the same. We got an early night to prepare us for the climax, final stop on out trip and perhaps the last bastion of true paradise: the andamans woooo!